Dental Cheaters

Hi. My name is Autumn and I'm a dental cheater. You know ~ us people who never floss until the day you have a dentist appointment, go in for a cleaning and get a good report card from the dentist. ??? That's me. My husband flosses ALL the time. I mean, ALL the time. He's very good. I'm not. We had our 6 month dental checkup on Tuesday, Tom, the kids and myself. For the 2nd time in a row the hygienist says to me " Wow, you have zero build up on your teeth, there's nothing for me to scrape off and your gums look very healthy! You must floss everyday!" Of course then she proceeds to look for lost treasure up inside my gums and between every tooth - they can't let you go without inflicting some pain. I've mastered the art of keeping my hands folded and relaxed on my tummy and my legs casually crossed as if I'm soaking up the rays at the beach instead of from the bright light pointed in my face. This is what I concentrate on when the pain becomes excruciating. That and any vent screw or light bulb I can count on the ceiling. Hmmmmm. That's all I say. I mean, you can't exactly talk when their fingers are in your mouth. I almost WANT to tell them that I only floss that morning before I climb into their chair and on the rare occasion that a toothpick can't get out the bbq pork stuck between my teeth. What would they say? I'm sure they'd go down the list of all of the diseases I could avoid if I flossed regularly. My husband goes in to the same dentist and gets told he should floss better and that his gums are receding etc... I have paid though, for my perfect teeth I mean, I've paid with an entire childhood spent in chairs at the orthodontist and dentist and every dental contraption you can think of molding my mouth into what it is today. I feel very much like Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - with my nice straight, healthy teeth and all. This is MN. She LOVES to smile all the time. She could not WAIT to turn 4 years old so she could go to the dentist and come out of the magical room of teeth cleaning with her little bag of dental hygiene goodies and prizes. She loves the dental hygienist. She loves to clean her teeth. She, like her father, is very good. The dentist gave her a C + this time around. She has some itty bitty cavities in between her baby teeth. " More Flossing!" he says to her. It's good that she likes the dentist so much since she was born with my mouth. Too small and narrow for all of her big girl teeth to fit in. She gets her new expander next month. She's very excited.

This is KN. She too is a dental cheater. She has an expander. Supposed to wear it 24/7 for the past year. If I actually put together all of the time she's actually worn them it would probably equal one week. She went to the dentist Tuesday too. He gave her an A+ and then said" Looks great! You must be wearing your expander all the time because your teeth have really changed the way they're supposed to!"

She smiled. What can you say when their fingers are in your mouth? Or a giant expander that you're not used to wearing for that matter.

CHEATER!

This is CT. He is not a cheater. He takes good care of his teeth most of the time. He's had an expander now for 3 years and wears it 24/7. He was also born with my mouth but the expander's have very much improved his bite and allowed his big teeth to fit nicely. He also got an A+ at this dental cleaning. He deserves it. He's also never had a cavity. He sat in while I got finished up with my cleaning this time and after the dentist checked over my teeth, said loudly " You've still got all of your teeth and they all look perfect! " ( I guess my kind is going extinct in the world - those of us with all of our teeth still accounted for in our mouth - wisdom teeth and all. ) I looked straight at CT and said " There - remember that's what YOU want to hear when you're 34! "